Main Lesson of the book: Appreciate and show appreciation to the people around you.
Dale Carnegie set out to create a book about human relations and how one could go about maximizing their relationships. The book sets out several great principles that we should all follow. If followed correctly these principles will change our lives. These are the core principles of each chapter:
- Don’t criticize, condemn or complain.
- Give honest, sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Remember that a person’s name is to that person the most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.
- Make the other person feel important – and do so sincerely.
10 The only way to get the best of an argument is to
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person saying, “Yes, yes” immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives.
- Dramatize your ideas.
- Throw down a challenge.
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save face.
- Praise the slightest and every improvement. Be “lavish in your praise.”
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
The book gives these eloquent and beautiful examples taken from real life that illustrate the effectiveness of the principles. Some of these principles require a dramatic change for some people. Because these principles require a huge amount of effort if you aren’t wired that way.
Ok. This is an amazing book and it is beautiful in both its execution as well as its intent. It is based on the understanding that humans are mainly motivated by the craving of wanting to be important. This statement means that everything everyone does comes from a need of wanting to feel or be important. With this knowledge in hand and the principles given you can start to see how this book can be effective. Because the book teaches you that by showing the other side that you understand them, feel for them and truly want to achieve what they want to achieve, that you can get them to your point of view.
To me, personally, this book is all about power. I know that Dale Carnegie probably didn’t write this book to teach us about the laws of power but he did. I couldn’t help but read these principles and think back to The 48 Rules of Power book. The similarities in these books were interesting and frightening at the same time. How to win friends and influence people is a book that truly believes that people are good and their intentions are noble. So if you were to honestly and sincerely appreciate people for who they are and what they want, or what they have they will in return love you for it. And because they like you, they will shower you with gifts or give you the thing you wanted without you even asking for it. The thing is, the 48 Laws of Power states the exact same thing, but instead of being honest and sincere, it tells you to do it consciously. Both books state that you should never react out of emotion, never argue because it never has any benefits. This was a great book, that showed me where the 48 Laws of Power found most of its inspiration, next to Machiavelli of course. Most definitely a book worth reading.