Nothing yet everything to complain about

My fingers are too heavy to write
My mind is too deep in the abyss, to even sink
My heart is too weak to beat, let alone fight
My brain is too lost in possibilities, to help me think
A headache turned into a state of mind
A situation that polishes the soul to be redefined
And all I can do is sit and wait
For an outcome as inflexible as a rusted gate
Decisions were made, before words were spent
Arguments defanged before a single word was sent
Feelings decided before the situation arose
Everything good has now been deemed foes
My love handed into the lost and found
My pulse dulled and all silence does, is pound
Like hand’s on a clock I’m just going in circles
Unable to escape these invisible shackles
Sleep blackens the squares representing my days
Every morsel of joy sucked from my favorite songs
Words stuck on repeat as the frame of my being freezes
Life simply does what it pleases
Uninterested in imprints on a soiled heart
And I’m unable to do anything but play my part
So I fill my days with empty gestures
Fill my hours with blank sentences
Fill my minutes with moments lost in pain
Fill my seconds with hope I know to be in vain
Jump to reach a sky you can only fly in
Laugh to feel something you only get through crying
Hide to find something lost in the open
Gave up alcohol to start smoking
I am … I don’t know anymore
I feel …. I don’t think I want to anymore
I want … The world isn’t as wide anymore
I need … Not as naive anymore
I love … They don’t seem as beautiful anymore
I hate … Not even sure about this anymore
Lost … Find me … Help me … Save me …
Leave me alone, pass me over, don’t glance my way
I feel like I write
I want to die while living a life that makes me feel alive
I want to scream in the silence of my past
I want to feel something new
I want to be something new
I don’t know anymore …
Maybe I should just start over … All of it

To be honest, I dont know where this one came from. Sometimes I just sit down and let my fingers do all the talking. And thanks to immediate spell check en fast fingers, I can almost go as fast as I can think. The sadness and beauty of this is that I feel the pain and read the pain in my own writing. There is nothing to hide behind, and there is nothing to give you other than honesty. And that is this piece. This piece is how I feel at the moment, no matter how uncomfortable it may make you. There is no reason to ask me why I feel like this. Because my feelings are my own, and I dont like sharing the cause, but you can ALWAYS get the pain that is born from them.

In case you liked this piece, I am certain you will love these pieces as well.