The 9 stages of depression
The 9 stages of depression is something I feel like I needed to make. Because if you read my stuff, if you listen to my stuff, if you hang out with me, you will soon realize that depression is something I’m familiar with. Now mind you, I don’t have all of The 9 stages of depression, but I do battle with one or perhaps even some of them. And for some reason, a certain amount of people who come into my life, suffer the same issues. They might be on a different stage, but they are all actors in the same play. So what if depression was a big company building, and the way depression affects you, has become actual people. Then we could just go in and kill them. Just imagine being able to fight your depression head on, without any medication just a simple fight. And if you lost, you can just try again. This might just be a bit too optimistic, but I don’t care. I want to look at things as if the cup is half full, because life will tell you enough times that you shouldn’t care, because the glass isn’t for you ANY DAMN WAY!
But this poem, I wanted to shed a little bit of light on The 9 stages of depression. Because I saw some stuff where people tried to downplay depression as if it was just a “mood”. Something you can just shake off and leave behind you. As if it was something you caught while drinking, and you can just sleep it off. Now mind you, I’m talking about the real depression, not about those people who just get caught up in a moment and feel sad. Because sadness will just pass, but depression isn’t some damn cloud that just float away with time. Imagine us going in and trying to take away or kill your depression for you. Wouldn’t that just be an amazing world?
You – I love you
Before you even listen to this poem, I feel like you should listen to the song it was based on Jesse Powell – You. You then will understand how great this song is, and how beautiful the message is he is trying to tell her. That is where this You – I love you is based on. Its based on the craving of wanting to love someone with all your heart. You – I love you is more than just simple words, its what someone who wants to be with someone feels like. I have been listening to this song for over 10 years, and every time I hear it, I still feel the same damn way. I feel this sense of jealousy and sadness that I dont have this. But that is when I place myself in this world, where I found someone. Where I feel all these beautiful things, and my heart is beating a million times per second. Where every emotion that runs through me has to pass through love first. And then love will decide if they can stay or if they belong, and love will keep me warm.
I truly hope that someone out there will hear these words and relate to them in a way most of us can only dream of. I hope someone out there, can look at the person they are with and say You – I love you. And mean every emotion, every implied action, every promise that comes with it. Because being who you are, and having someone accept that, is more than most of us will ever find. The beauty of love is that it forever sleeps in possibility. And yes, perhaps I have had the chance at possibility, but my hand or rather my heart isn’t suited for easy. I still hope that one day, I can say these words and have them said back to me.
From the first moment I heard the song Complicated by Robin Thicke, I fell in love with it. With the second listen, it went into my all time being able to listen to songs list. The third listen affirmed the fact that it should be my theme song. Complicated is one of those records that just makes you feel like he is singing about you. I felt like Robin spoken to some people around me, and wanted to create a song that fits the way my love life often goes. Either that or Thicke has the same problems I do. And that is that you want to love someone, but your very personality kind of hinders you at times.
It’s almost as if you want to love someone, but you dont want someone to be close to you. You want to make them happy, but you dont want to sacrifice anything. And then you get mad at yourself for thinking like that, and then you get mad at them for not understanding why you’re mad. But it all started from the fact that you wanted to love them. And then, then, you have to apologize for being who you are, because they cant understand what you want or need from them. But all you need or want is understanding, that you can be just as crazy as them.
But what’s really frustrating is when they act as if what they want is really simple. The have these BIG plans, that are like these HUGE goals. But they refuse to tell you on what the little steps are to get there. Or they just overlook them entirely. And then they just want you to get on board with the nonsense of not knowing how youre going to get somewhere. Im telling you, being a romantic and someone who uses their logic to solve things does NOT go together. And that is why I have to tell people all the time, I’m Complicated.
Be careful out there
I don’t do too many of these, but it seems that the main stream media is on to the new one. But I still want everyone to Be careful out there. Because even if the main stream media is on something else, these cops aren’t. They are still doing what they were doing, and they are still doing it with impunity. When will we realize that these so called “protectors” are part of a system. Or rather they are the hands of the system that hates you. So when I say Be careful out there, Im talking about when you go for a drive. When you get pulled over, when they approach you for being black. When they show you that they supposedly have more “power” than you. When they try to strip you off what makes you, you. When they just let their hate shine through, and they just want to beat every ounce of dignity from you. I just want you to Be careful out there.
Police Brutality is real!
The thing I crave is that you come home and be safe. I’m tired of seeing all these hashtags, but what I’m even more tired of, is the names I see when I research this. I hate the documents I see when I google police injustice. And what scares me most is when you read the transcripts of what the COPS say happened. You also have these judges and politicians making these documents where they specifically target black males, and yet we stand here waiting for them to change. What do you think happened to all those racists when slavery was so called abolished. Do you think they just went into a cave and died down? No, they went into positions to ensure that even if we were free, we would still be “beneath” them. And the police … yes the police is the pinnacle of that in my opinion. But that’s just my opinion though.
All Ill Ever Ask
All Ill Ever Ask is the last poem in the series of poems based on a song. This one is based on the song by Freddie Jackson – All Ill Ever Ask. Yup they have the same name, I know its such a coincidence right? All Ill Ever Ask is extra special because its double inspiration in a way. Sometimes you meet someone that inspires you in a certain way. And then you want to see what inspires them, and see how they got to be where they are. And that person said that this song had a special meaning. So I had to go in and construct a piece based on All Ill Ever Ask. Its more of a thank you than anything else.
Now I have noticed that I love me some love songs. Because with this series of poems based on songs I love, Ive been writing me a bunch of poems about love and heartbreak. Which is pretty interesting, but seems pretty logical as well. Because at the end of the day, I love me some love. Im what you may call a hopeless romantic that ruins it by being too logical. But my intentions are always pure even if they get twisted into something else due to logic.
Now this was one heck of a fun piece to write. Because it was just a man promising the person he loves that he will be there for them. That he will care for them, he will enjoy them, adore them and just hold them in their hearts. Now I know these words are easy to say, but this is a promise. Meaning that the intent to follow up on them is real. And that is what I want to believe in, that someone can promise something as beautiful as this and actually mean it. And actually do it. But themselves aside, drop their ego, lower their guard and just be open and real and just love someone without conditions.
The only change they respect
I am tired of this whole dignified suffering
We’re the only fools who can get raped, lynched and remain trusting
They have these grand tales of revolution and goal orientated destruction
While we have discussions and peaceful presentations of our opinion
Don’t we deserve a revolution?
They want to keep us in a state of constant confusion
Dazed from empty promises made by corrupt politicians
There might just be only one solution
And that might just be letting go of all superstitions
There is no one, and I mean no one, who is going to help us
For every leader we appoint they have a bullet to take him down
For every positive movement we create they have propaganda to take it down
We need something for us, by us without listening to the media
Tired of them distorting the truth out of fear for possible hysteria
And I’m disgusted by these coons dubbed black leaders who do nothing but pacify us
Tell us our rage is justified and they are indeed out to get us
But we need to stay calm and abide law
Skipping past the whole fact this whole system is flawed
How can you fight for justice in a system out to destroy you
How can you follow a law written by the people who oppress you
And how valid is a law if those appointed to enforce it don’t follow it
And exactly at what point do we say this is bullshit
And here is the thing, we’ve said it so many times and yet we still stay
We keep fighting their bullshit every damn day, and yet we still stay
Under the pretence that it’s the best place to be
And your decision slash information is based on what exactly
The news they give you, the images they show you, the stories they tell you
And you, you think all of it is true, because why would they lie to you
What would they gain from manipulating your reality
And you’re probably looking for a more introspective answer than money
Power, greed, fear
They placed so many hurdles for us to clear its impossible, so why keep going
Im not saying give up, Im just saying accept it will never happen
Let it go, let it go
They excluded us from the history accepted by the world
Twisted our image to such a degree our skin is a bad word
Never changed their ways simply got better at hiding them
And while we were gracefully suffering they were mastering the art of enslaving them
Throwing us scraps while preparing a feast of undefined proportions
And we sit here acting as if these were valid portions
Ever since Willie Lynch started his theory
The masters became experts in defining our reality
And we as the fools we are, played right into their hands
Let one uncle tom reach a position of empty power and we figure we all can
Keep our pockets empty but our hearts filled with faith
And tell us that the thing that could save us is a thing of hate
Our fancy words wont break their walls
Our pleas for help won’t make their empire fall
If we wish to change it all, we can no longer stall
The only change they respect is currency based
Or justified violence they can call misplaced
But we need to do something more than wait
Because soon, very soon it will all be too late
I was asked to perform a piece through Skype and I decided to write something inspired by recent events. That is how I came up with “The only change they respect”. Because I seriously feel that the powers that be will only respect one thing. And The only change they respect is money, or changes based on currency. Because simple marches are like hippies having festivals. Its a nice vibe and all, but the actual effect on policies and whatnot are limited to none. So The only change they respect is based on how it will hurt their pockets.
6 Months 8 Days 12 Hours
What if its been 6 Months 8 Days 12 Hours since you’ve been alone. Where would you look, and how would you feel. Because I get rather frustrated with missing someone. It doesnt happen a lot, but it does happen from time to time. And when it happens, Im what you may call lovesick and extremely irritated. Because missing someone means you want to be with them, but the situation prevents you from doing so. And since Im a firm believer in creating my own destiny and situation, its my own fault I am missing someone. So picture yourself missing someone, and hating the fact that you are feeling that way. Its at times like that, that you tend to count the seconds. That you tend to count the days. Love can drive you crazy and keep you sane at the same time. Love can make you count the seconds and get mad at the fact they are moving so fast.
By now I am certain that you have figured out that this is based on the song by Brian McKnight – 6 Months 8 Days 12 Hours. I loved this song so much, I just had to create a piece that was inspired by it. I had to create something that would reflect how I would react if I were in that exact same situation. And by all accounts, I would have been pissed off. This is another one in my love song poetry series. There will be more videos to come but this one is a little personal as well. So that rage you are seeing in this video, is pretty darn real.
But the situation itself … the counting of the seconds. I honestly hope I never experience the urge to do that. I know that love has made me do some dumb stuff. And I know that love has put some cracks in my heart that even time cant heal. But luckily I have never been at this point.
Im still me
Yes, this is my latest one and I dubbed it “Im still me”. The reason for this title is because this whole poem was inspired by an old poem of mine. Its one of my old favorites and it was so fun listening to some of my old work, it inspired some new work to be born. Now let’s get to the point of Im still me. It means that I am still a writer, and Im still a poet. These two things will never change, regardless of what I might go through. And I will forever be excited by the same things, I will forever get happy from the same things, because no matter how the world touches me, Im still me. I try to hold on to that core inside of me, because I feel like, I am losing crucial parts of what I am or who I used to be. So I need to make sure that at the very core of my being, I can at least say “Im still me”.
Given, I am not as dark as I used to be. Im not as morbid as I used to be. Heck Im not even as sadistic as I used to be. But I still have that darkness inside of me. The issue with my darkness now, is that I have used it for so many of my stories that I kind of dont want to reuse it. And thus my writing has morphed into something that is a little strange to me as well. But I love it, because at the end of the day I am still one crazy son of a bitch. And I am still saving my darkness to let it explode in some other ways. No matter what life might throw at me, no matter what my future will hold, I will forever keep my humor. I will forever try to stay positive and keep it moving forward.
Are you still in love with me?
Some relationships are based on trust, some on mistrust. Some are based on love and some are just based on comfort. But either way you tend to grow accustomed to the person you’re with. And sometimes you take them for granted, because you feel like they belong there. But its at those moments that people tend to think that something new might be better. “Are you still in love with me?” is the question you ask when you feel like they are moving on while still being with you.
That is when you have to make a decision. Do you fight for the relationship or do you let it go. But letting go is easier said than done, because emotions become tangled up pretty easy and run pretty deep if you let them. And the longer the two of you stay together, the more you go through. The more you go through, the deeper your bonds will be. But the past isn’t always strong enough to make sure the glue of the future holds. And old promises made by a new face can be enticing.
Some people people just tend to fall in love all too easy. Even if they are currently in love, they can jump into another love pit. And that is when they fall out of love with the old one. I just wanted to make a piece that shows that. I wanted to write a piece that shows how painful it is to lose someone. And not just lose someone but slowly lose them. Feel them slip through your fingers as they take their love with them. And the only thing you’re left with is the pain and memories of what you two were.
Keith Washington – Are you still in love with me
This poem is based on the song Keith Washington – Are you still in love with me. I love that song, and I sing along with it every damn time. So I wanted to use all that passion I use to sing along and put it into some writing. And this is what came out of it. I am planning on making this a series, because I have way to many songs I love and sing along to. I need to make them mine!
I fucking hate cockroaches!
This isnt a poem, this is me telling you I fucking hate cockroaches! There is no subtle hint behind this, there is no double meaning or slick metaphor, its just me saying I fucking hate cockroaches! Now if your house has even been attacked by these monsters, you will understand my feelings and you will have said it as well. Because “I fucking hate cockroaches!” is a sentiment that most NORMAL people can relate to. The big issue I have is that every damn summer these vile beings find their way back into my home. And with them goes every sense of safety I could feel at home. Whenever I open my door to come home, I check the whole damn hallway to make sure its safe. I am scared to walk into my own home. I fucking hate cockroaches! for doing this to me. I fucking hate cockroaches! for ruining my stay in Japan. I’m fighting every urge Ive got to not just smoke bomb my home. Every time I turn a corner I have to check, everytime I open my waste bin I have to check, everytime I make food, I have to check. This is a bad way to live life. I fucking hate cockroaches!
Now, sometimes I try to make a poem that everyone can relate to, but this time its all about me. I just needed to vent, I just needed to do something to show me how bad Im feeling. I needed to record this moment in time, so that when I look back on it, I can be like HEY I dont have that problem anymore. And for some reason, whenever I tell people that Ive got these monsters, they respond with “clean up”. My response to their response is always FUCK YOU. Because Im messy, and that means that clothes are everywhere. But food is always in the trash or in the fridge. Its never out and about to smell up my place. Im not dirty. Man, I fucking hate cockroaches! So take this as you will. This might just be me as emotional as I can get.